Big Brother’s heart is acting up again.
His heart is fluttering again.
Cardiac episodes or atrial flutters.
His problems have always been in the lower chambers of his heart.
Now he’s having problems with the upper chambers.
His doctors have put him on blood thinners,
and in about two weeks he’ll have a catheter ablation.
This procedure corrects the problem about 95% of time.
Scary times ahead.
Seasoning is starting early this year…..
We’ve been trying to make a baby for 46 months!
46 FUCKING MONTHS!!!
Wooosaaahhh………..
*taking a slow deep breath*
I’m fairly certain that I ovulated on Tuesday.
I had the usual symptoms
Burning nether region, bloating and some serious soreness in my left ovary.
Shug & I have been enjoying my fertile time.
We’ve been going at like teenagers since Saturday.
And we’ve had a lot fun doing it!
We always do.
So now, I guess I’m in the two week wait.
My version of the two week wait has changed in these four years of trying.
I used to eat right, increase my water consumption and restrict certain foods.
I used to jump at and document everything that I thought was symptom.
I would chart, take my temperature, check cm….I did it all.
Not anymore.
Doing all of that stuff nearly drove me crazy.
It doesn’t help that my body plays cruel cruel tricks on me.
About every other month or so, I get veiny boobs and I throw up before my period starts.
I don’t say anything to anyone
I don’t test
And I’m no longer surprised when my period starts right on time.
Some may read this and think that I’m having chemical pregnancies.
No, that would be too much like right!
These very same symptoms happened when I did my IUI and was being monitored by RE.
My IUI failed to get us pregnant.
So I no longer look at the TWW as others do.
I no longer buy into the TWW.
I throw caution to the wind and I do everything that I want to.
If I want to drink alchol, I do.
If I want to eat garbage, I do.
If I want to drink caffeine, I do.
I do what I have to do to just to get through it.
46 months……..46 FUCKING MONTHS!!
Our President!
Today, I am a proud American!
Shug is all set to return to work next Monday.
He’s recovering much quicker than expected.
He’s off crutches and walking with a cane.
He’s doing great!
Happy Birthday Martin Luther King, Jr.
I can only wonder what he would think about the history that will be made tomorrow.
Our nation’s First Black President will be inaugurated.
You can feel the energy in the air.
I never imagined I would see this in my life time.
I thank God that my parents are alive to witness this.
Watching their excitement is awe inspiring.
It’s also my fertile time!
I don’t expect anything to come of it.
Especially since it feels like I’m ovulating from my right ovary (which is blocked).
But we’re making the most of it anyway.
Having fun with the sessy times.
Who knows, we just might get lucky.
Stranger things have happened!
Shug and I went to see the Dallas Stars play last night.
We had a great seats and really enjoyed ourselves.
Unfortunately the Stars lost to the Buffalo Sabres 5-4 in overtime.
Not just because I got glasses.
But because I’ve been able to really look at myself.
I’m a handful.
I’ve got issues.
Shug deserves a medal or at least a trophy for putting up with me.
So since I’m seeing myself clearly.
Flaws and all.
I’m going to try to do better.
I’m going to try to stick to my New Year’s Commitment of being positive this year.
It won’t be easy.
I already failed last week when the PMDD hit me full force.
But I can see that I need to work on my issues.
Sooner rather than later.
Because I felt like the F*@k You Up Fairy!
I took my first z.o.loft pill today.
My period,
Yeah I said it
Fuck that Aunt Flo bullshit
I’m a grown ass woman
I bleed
I have a PERIOD!
Unfortunately like clockwork
Every 32 days!!!
I usually have PMS a week before I bleed
Sometimes a few days before
But not usually the day of.
Anyway
My period started this morning
I cried like I usually do
And then I went to work
And the rage started!
Uncontrollable rage.
Shug had to bring me a pill.
Amazingly
It worked
And it worked quickly.
As you can tell
I’m still a little bitchy
But trust and believe
I’m much better than I was earlier today!
I’ll take another tomorrow.
I don’t want the F*&k You Up Fairy to show up again!
I've lost my mind...
Butterflying free....
So I let my 18 year old niece talk me into getting another tattoo.
This is my seventh tattoo.
Damn that sounds like a lot.
A band of flowers around my right ankle.
A ladybug on my right foot.
Three fish swimming on my lower right back.
And Shug’s government name written across the top of my ass.
Classy huh?
Hahahahaha
This one, like the others, is very special.
I wanted something that would remind me to be carefree.
Something beautiful.
Something to remind me that my life is special.
Butterflies start their lives as a lowly caterpillar.
They crawl through muck.
When they reach a certain point in their lives.
They wind themselves into a cocoon.
And then struggle to break free from that encasement.
Then they emerge as a beautiful carefree creature.
That’s me!
Last year was hard.
Last year was my cocoon.
Prayerfully this year will be better.
And just in case it’s not.
I will still continue to be…..
A beautiful creature.
I’m back from hiatus, but not ready to write.
Just yet.
I’ll probably write something this weekend.
I hope everyone had a Happy, Healthy & Safe Holiday Season!
Fish Bait 