Archive for the ‘infertility’ Category

 The Tchoupitoulas has been gone for a year.

We still miss him.

I think I’m going to miss him forever!

We find ourselves talking about him frequently.

He was put to sleep on Friday, July 17, 2009.

A close friend of mine is Buddhist.

She believes that The Tchoupitoulas had to go in order for a baby to come into our lives.

Ironically,

on Saturday,

July 17, 2010.

Shug & I were in New Orleans with plans to meet a birth mother about adopting her baby.

The meeting never took place,

but the lines of communication were opened up again on Sunday.

So there is still hope that we can proceed with our plans to adopt.

A seven month old beautiful baby girl.

Somehow,

someway,

throughout this process,

we’ve been excitedly calm.

So keep  the prayers,

chants,

and pleas coming our way.

Because,

today is a new day!

March 29, 2005 was the day we decided to throw away birth control.

As much as we were loving on each other,

we didn’t think that it would take long for me to get pregnant.

Every month we got excited because my period was two to three weeks late.

Little did we know that was classic PCOS.

We’d find that out three years later.

Anyway,

it’s five years later and we’re still not parents.

BARREN!

I’ve been down in the dumps,

really low.

My period started on March 29th.

Felt like a slap in the face.

My 41-year-old uterus is useless.

I decided to climb out of the darkness.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Shug and I are in a good place.

We still love and respect each other.

We still want the best for each other.

And we’re seriously looking into other options for starting our family.

So,

I think I’ll be posting more.

It’s time to move on.

Time to stop obsessing about how much time has passed.

Look forward to the future.

God has something special planned for us.

Otherwise we wouldn’t have made this far.

 Together.

FIVE YEARS = 60 Months.

Thank you!

I have wonderful bloggy friends!

Thank you for the words of encouragement,

the offers to fund raise,

and the general support.

Thank you for holding my hand.

Thank you for listening.

I appreciate you ladies so much.

I’m still feeling the same way,

but you ladies have put  a lot on mind.

I appreciate that none of you are letting me off that easy.

I will take your advice into consideration,

and keep you posted on what we decide to do.

In the meantime,

I am truly humbled by you all!

123So I’ve been quiet again.

Not really talking about infertility.

Not talking about how I really feel about infertility.

Not talking about much of anything.

The truth is,

we’re wasting our time doing anything other than IVF.

The truth is,

we can’t afford IVF.

The truth is,

we can afford IVF internationally & could possibly make it happen next year.

The truth is,

I don’t really want to do international IVF.

The truth is,

I think we’re done.

I think we’re done.

It hurts to type that,

but it’s time to be honest.

It hurts to admit it,

but it’s time to be honest.

54 months is a long time.

We should have two children by now.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of hoping,

wishing,

and praying.

I’m tired of jumping at imaginary pregnancy symptoms.

I’m tired of getting my hopes up when my period is late.

I’m tired.

Shug is tired.

We’re tired.

Unless God blesses us with a true miracle,

we probably will not be parents.

Ummm…… yeah,

it’s time to be honest.

RosesLovely roses greeted me when I got home from work yesterday.

Shug is so sweet.

We had dinner at my parent’s house.

Tonight we have a date.

I don’t know where we’re going,

but we have dinner reservations at 7PM.

I think we’re going to go to a jazz club after that,

but I’m not sure because Shug has the night planned

and it’s all a secret.

My Shug,

I love him!

We took a break on the fertility meds this month.

That 32 day cycle proved that I didn’t ovulate when I supposed to.

I’m not certain if I’m going to take them again.

I have three refills left,

so we’ll see.

Enough infertility talk!

I’m having a lovely day,

and I’m looking forward to having a lovely evening

with Shug.

 Eggs

My period started this morning.

I was hoping it wouldn’t,

but I knew it would.

I don’t know how I feel.

I’m not devastated,

but I am tired.

I’m tired of hoping,

wishing

and praying.

I’m tired of waiting.

Why not us?

WHY NOT US?

The Tchoupitoulas

The Tchoupitoulas

We had to put The Tchoupitoulas to sleep yesterday.

I have never felt so much pain in my life.

He was my boy,

my baby,

I can’t believe he’s gone.

He was 16 months old,

and so full of life.

It felt so wrong to put him down,

but we had to.

My boy is gone,

gone forever.

I’m going to be silent for a while.

I’ll comment,

but I just don’t have much to say these days.

The past four years have been so painful.

Shug and I have been through it.

We’re good people.

We love each other,

we would make great parents.

But it seems that we have fallen out of God’s Favor.

I’ll be back,

but right now

I just can’t.