Blown apart!

I don’t have much time, but here’s the deal.  Shug’s knee, for lack of better words, is FUCKED UP!! Not only is his knee dislocated, his ACL, PCL, LCL and Peroneal Nerve are shredded.  His lateral hamstring and his PCL are both pulled completely off the bone.  He’s still in the hospital on IV pain medication.  He is scheduled for reconstructive surgery on Friday.  We’re looking at two months on crutches and a lot of rehab. 

Please say a few extra prayers for us.  We need them!

Wait for it….Add A Bushel of Haberno Peppers!!

I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

Guess where I spent the night?

Really?!?!

Shug

Shug slipped and fell in the house. Dislocated his knee and tore up everything in between.  He was at home alone, so he had to call 911.  Luckily my mother and neighbor were available to let EMS in the house because he was down in the bedroom.  They admitted him last night because he knee is blown!  He is having an MRI this morning and exploratory surgery this afternoon.  They will repair what they can today, but he will probably have to have another surgery to repair his ACL in a few weeks.

I’m not going to say it, because I’m seriously thinking that we’re cursed! I’m thinking we’re well seasoned now. Don’t you?

*big sigh*

PLEASE…………..just keep us in your prayers!!

*bigger sigh*

Add 1/2 a cup of heavy cream..

*deep breath*

My life’s recipe is calling for something to remove the bite of all that cayenne pepper that was added on Friday!

So my Big Brother is going to be okay! Praise God & Baby Jesus! He spent the weekend in the hospital, but was released yesterday afternoon. The emergency room doctor’s read his echo cardiogram incorrectly (Thank God).  His heart is functioning at 40%.  While that’s not a great number, it’s a good number for him and it’s much better than 32%.  It turns out that he is having PVCs. He is hypersensitive to them because it’s basically the same feeling he gets if his heart is in an irregular rhythm and his defibrillator fires.  They’re changing his medications and will continue to monitor him.  This is something that he will continue to live with, and he will be okay. 

We are just so thankful that it’s not time for a heart transplant.

Add 1 Cup of Cayenne Pepper

Whereas most recipe’s call for a teaspoon of cayenne pepper; apparently my life’s recipe calls for a cup! 

God give me strength! 

My Big Brother is in the hospital.  Back story; in 2003 he had a pace maker/defibrillator implanted after he passed out at work. His cardiologists discovered that his heart was damaged from taking a popular supplement. It came as shock to everyone  for several reasons – he worked out religiously, didn’t drink or smoke. On the surface  he was very healthy with about 6% body fat and he was only 39 years old.  He was dealt a blow when we found out that he had electrical and pumping problems. His heart was functioning at about 70%.  Earlier this year he found out that his heart was functioning at 57%.  A month ago he learned that it had decreased to 32%. 

He needs a heart transplant.

Right now, I’m walking on faith.  I have to. I have to be strong for my mother. She’s falling apart right now. She just buried her sister two weeks ago. 

*big sigh*

Seasoning

So it’s been a stressful year. REAL stressful. Shug and I shared a good laugh the other night; we agreed that this year has been “seasoning”.  All that we’ve been through this year can only make us stronger and better people.  All the stress has added flavor to our lives.  Not the type of flavoring that we would like, but flavor none the less.  Prayerfully by the end of this year, we’ll be fully seasoned and ready to move onto the next stage……….marinating in goodness. =)

Seriously though, we are realistic.  While we are prayerful that we will get pregnant before the end of this year, we realize that it’s not probable.  Especially without assistance.  We have accepted our fate. We will continue to try to remain positive and hopeful that next year will be better. It has to be, I don’t think I will be able to make it if next year is a repeat of this year. Well maybe I could, but I would definitely need therapy!

I’ve been tagged!

I’m blessed to have some truly great friends.  I’m excited about the friendships that I’m making on the Internet.  I have received some wonderful words of wisdom from you ladies and I truly appreciate it.  Brown Eyed Girl tagged me, so I’m it!

1. Do you have the same friends since childhood?
No.  My father was in the Air Force and we traveled every three to four years.  I have kept in touch with a few, but not as many as I would like.

2. What do you value most about your friends?
My friends are genuinely good people.  I value their advice, time and their well being. I can always count on them to provide a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen.

3. Are your friends sounding boards?
OMG hell yes!

4. What is your favorite activity to share with friends?
Most of my close friends are gay guys. On Wednesdays we watch Pr.oject Run.way or To.p Che.f.  Halloween is special time, we make costumes and go to the gayborhood for the annual parade. But my most favorite times are when we get together with no agenda and just enjoy each others company.

It’s just not our season…

2006 was a wonderful year for Shug and I. Everything seemed to go our way. It was our season. I think we took it for granted.  We have been working on several things all year and none of them have come to fruition.  Shug pointed this out in our clarifying conversation on October 12th.  He said “It’s just not our season”.  This past week I’ve been full of anxiety, waiting to hear some good news.   And once again, the news is not good.  As Shug says, “It’s just not our season”. I’m trying, God knows that I’m trying to remain positive. But it’s hard. It’s been a hard hard year and I don’t think that I can take anymore bad news. It’s been one thing after another and I’m done. God give me strength! When will it end?

God is so good!

I’m so happy for these ladies, prayerfully I’ll be right behind them!  Congratulations Brown Eyed Girl & Rose\’s Daughter

Change of heart

So I’ve had a change heart. I was all set to share my thoughts about having children.  When I left Dallas on Friday morning, I was armed with an arsenal of words for my nosy relatives.  I had every intention of letting them know that Shug & I are not going to have children.  I was going to let them know that I was sick of their questions about my infertility. I was going to stand strong and be bitch if necessary. 

Let me start over.  In September my Best Friend In The Whole Wide World (BFITWWW) came to visit.  She brought her daughters with her. Two beautiful little girls; they are one and four .  The one year old was teething.  She screamed the entire time she was here.  It worked on my last fucking nerve. My BFITWWW was the only person she would allow to hold her. It was an awful visit. I was annoyed with the baby and my BFITWWW.  Shug and I locked ourselves in our room at one point.  We had a very candid discussion. We both acknowledged that maybe we weren’t ready for children/ maybe we don’t have the patience that comes with parenthood.  The screaming had knocked the wind out of both of our sails.  I told Shug that I didn’t want to do anymore invasive fertility treatments. I even contemplated stopping met.fo.rmin.  I decided to stay on it because of the benefits that it has already provided and I believe it is helping with my weight loss.  Anyway, after much discussion we decided that if we get pregnant great, if not – it’s okay.

It’s funny how a funeral can change things.  I realized while we were celebrating my aunt’s wonderful life, how important family is. I realized that nothing is more special than sharing loving memories with your family.  I realized that I do want to have children.  I realized that I want to create a life with my husband.  I realized that I want to be able to share my child with my family and friends. 

My family that I was so ready to tear apart with mean and cruel words; they were so supportive this time.  I’m blessed to have a large, loud and loving family.  My mother is one of 10 children.  No one asked crazy questions. They were all concerned when I told them we had given up trying.  They couldn’t believe that we were giving up.  After a while I started to think. I called Shug (he stayed in Dallas to pet sit), and asked him how he really felt about giving up.  He told me that he would love to have children, but he doesn’t know if he has the patience.  I told him about the conversations that I had been having all day. I told him the family doesn’t want us to give up. They understand our fears and had shared wonderful stories with me.  We decided that we would discuss it more when I returned to Dallas.

We had that conversation on Sunday. It was such an open and honest conversation.  It was beautiful.  Probably one of the best that we’ve ever had. So here we are.  I’m still not ready for IVF, but we are going to keep trying.  My 40th birthday is next month.  I know that’s the magic number, but I’m not pressed.  As I stated in a previous post, I will get pregnant this year.  I will have a healthy and happy pregnancy. Shug and I will become parents to a healthy and happy baby.  Prayerfully this is all it will take.  We have two and half months to make it happen. If not, we’ll visit the RE in January and take it from there.

Lighter

My aunt’s funeral will be on Saturday in New Orleans.  I’m looking forward to celebrating her life with friends and family.  I usually dread family gatherings.  Somehow family just doesn’t seem to understand that everyone is not fertile.  Some people, yes even BLACK people, are infertile. But this time, I’m ready for the inevitable questions about Shug and I starting a family.  When I return from New Orleans, I think I’ll be ready to share what’s been on my mind.  Since we’ve made our decision, I’ve felt…lighter. 

So with that said, I’m out until Monday.  Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.