Archive for December, 2008

Still Loving…..

Posted: December 21, 2008 in Family
Tags: ,

Me & Shug

this man!

Last night was my office Christmas party.

We had a wonderful time.

We’ve been doing so well these past few days.

We’re both feeling good  and positive.

We’re looking forward to spending Christmas in Louisiana with family.

In spite of an ugly  year.

We are thankful.

Thankful for our many blessings.

Thankful for friends and family that love and support us.

Thankful for bloggy friends the continue to give some of the best advice, and the biggest shoulders to lean on.

And most of all.

We’re thankful that year is almost OVER!!!  =)

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Oh yeah,

Posted: December 17, 2008 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

I forgot to mention.

zoloft2

When I mentioned how out of control my PMS has been.

And when I answered yes to all the screening questions.

My doctor prescribed Z.ol.oft for PMDD.

I’m only supposed to take it on my out of control days.

I’ll see if it really works in about 11-14 days when the PMS usually kicks in.

I’m trying not to make a big deal out of this.

It’s for PMDD, not depression.

But damn.

It’s kind of hard not too.

It’s an an.tid.epr.es.sant.

I’m trying to get the stigma out of my head.

I keep telling myself.

Get over it lady!

It’s just more “Seasoning”!

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I love this man.

I love how he makes me feel.

I love how he loves me back.

I love how he always sees the glass as half full, when I see it as half empty.

I love how much he loves his mother and grandmother.

I love how much he loves my family.

I love that he is faithful and true to me.

I love laying in bed laughing and being silly.

I love when he winks at me.

I love his belly laugh.

I love his beautiful eyes that change color with his moods.

I love how he smells like a man.

I love his love of life.

I love this man.

In 2002, I prayed that God would bless me with a positive Christian God-Fearing man.

God answered that prayer in 2005.

I’ve been in an ugly place for the past few weeks.

Feeling sorry for myself.

I’m blessed.

Too blessed to continue feeling like this.

So I’m done with the blues.

I’m loving my husband.

And even though I’m a mess.

He’s loving me.

Silence….

Posted: December 10, 2008 in infertility, Life
Tags: , ,

silence_31

I guess I’m okay.

I just don’t have a lot to say.

I’m feeling kind of lost.

I don’t know where I fit in.

Since I’m not  doing anything about my infertility.

So.

I’m silent.

debbie-downer

I made my doctor cry.

I had my annual earlier this afternoon.

My doctor was so excited to see me.

He knew that we had finally made the decision to do IVF in January.

He asked if I was looking forward to seeing the RE next month.

He wanted to know if I was excited about In Vitro.

I hated to burst his bubble.

I told him about Shug’s accident and our change of plans.

He was heartbroken.

I watched his face fall.

Then he teared up.

He cried with me once again.

He told me that he’s going to continue to pray for a miracle for us.

Then he told me that he wants me to consider BRACAnalysis.

With such a strong family history of breast cancer, he’s very concerned about my cancer risk.

*big sigh*

It just never ends!

God give me strength.

soul_graphic_ezr1

So I haven’t been writing about infertility. 

I have grown to hate that word.

I’ve tried my best to remain positive and hopeful.

I’ve tried to speak a pregnancy into existence.

I’ve tried just about everything, except for the one sure thing that will probably help me.

IVF.

We had plans to visit with the RE in January. 

We had plans to pursue IVF in January.

Those plans changed when we found out that Shug will not be able to return to work until March 2nd.

I’m 40 now and we all know that’s the *MAGIC* number that you want to avoid if your infertile.

I’ll probably never have a child.

My husband won’t be a father.

That makes me so sad.

I liked it better when it was unspoken.