Posts Tagged ‘Medicated Cycles’

mehNot much.

Freaking the fuck out about turning 41 on Sunday, November 15th.

Took my braids out last weekend, rocking a natural fro.

Shug hates it.

Too bad, I’m rocking the natural hair for at least a month.

I miss The Tchoupitoulas so much.

I take out his box of toys out every now and then and smell his collar.

His scent is almost gone.

I cried on Saturday because The Breeder’s Cup was on.

 MyBaby Chop loved horse racing.

I’m looking forward to December 26th.

The entire family (MyMama, MyDaddy, Bigger Brother & his family, Big Brother & his daughter, me & Shug) is going on a cruise to celebrate Mom & Dad’s 45th Anniversary.

The kidney transplant will be in January, after we return from Mexico.

In the meantime, MyDaddy is having his gallbladder removed on Tuesday.

It’s only functioning at 15% and he’s in a lot of pain.

Shug’s Grandmother was placed in hospice last month.

We took a quick trip home to visit with her.

Yesterday the hospice nurse released her from hospice.

A home health care agency is going to care for her.

We’re convinced Grandma is going to outlive all of us.

Shug & I plan on travelling a lot next year.

We’ve also decided not take anymore fertility meds.

As I said before, it’s a waste of time and money.

I don’t know where that leaves my blog.

I’ll probably continue to blog, but more about our life.

Whatever I blog about, hopefully it will be more often.

I’ve been in a funk and haven’t felt like blogging.

Have I mentioned that I’m FREAKING THE FUCK OUT about turning 41?!

ummm……….yeah……….so that’s what’s really happening.

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Thank you!

I have wonderful bloggy friends!

Thank you for the words of encouragement,

the offers to fund raise,

and the general support.

Thank you for holding my hand.

Thank you for listening.

I appreciate you ladies so much.

I’m still feeling the same way,

but you ladies have put  a lot on mind.

I appreciate that none of you are letting me off that easy.

I will take your advice into consideration,

and keep you posted on what we decide to do.

In the meantime,

I am truly humbled by you all!

123So I’ve been quiet again.

Not really talking about infertility.

Not talking about how I really feel about infertility.

Not talking about much of anything.

The truth is,

we’re wasting our time doing anything other than IVF.

The truth is,

we can’t afford IVF.

The truth is,

we can afford IVF internationally & could possibly make it happen next year.

The truth is,

I don’t really want to do international IVF.

The truth is,

I think we’re done.

I think we’re done.

It hurts to type that,

but it’s time to be honest.

It hurts to admit it,

but it’s time to be honest.

54 months is a long time.

We should have two children by now.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of hoping,

wishing,

and praying.

I’m tired of jumping at imaginary pregnancy symptoms.

I’m tired of getting my hopes up when my period is late.

I’m tired.

Shug is tired.

We’re tired.

Unless God blesses us with a true miracle,

we probably will not be parents.

Ummm…… yeah,

it’s time to be honest.

RosesLovely roses greeted me when I got home from work yesterday.

Shug is so sweet.

We had dinner at my parent’s house.

Tonight we have a date.

I don’t know where we’re going,

but we have dinner reservations at 7PM.

I think we’re going to go to a jazz club after that,

but I’m not sure because Shug has the night planned

and it’s all a secret.

My Shug,

I love him!

We took a break on the fertility meds this month.

That 32 day cycle proved that I didn’t ovulate when I supposed to.

I’m not certain if I’m going to take them again.

I have three refills left,

so we’ll see.

Enough infertility talk!

I’m having a lovely day,

and I’m looking forward to having a lovely evening

with Shug.

 Eggs

My period started this morning.

I was hoping it wouldn’t,

but I knew it would.

I don’t know how I feel.

I’m not devastated,

but I am tired.

I’m tired of hoping,

wishing

and praying.

I’m tired of waiting.

Why not us?

WHY NOT US?

questionWhere’s my period?

I took my last progesterone pill on August 29th.

I usually start two days after my last pill.

I’m a little crampy,

it feels like I’m going to start,

but I’ve felt like this for a few days.

No PMDD this month either.

I’m too scared to test,

and I’m too scared to get my hopes up.

I’m sure my period will start today now that I’ve asked the question.

I’m not going to do anything until Friday.

That way if I start,

I won’t have to deal with the heartbreak of seeing a negative test.

Oh well,

I guess we’ll see.

CletusI miss The Tchoupitoulas so much.

He’s been gone for a month.

And as much as it hurts,

we’re doing our best to heal.

Cletus is making it easier.

He’s so funny.

He makes us laugh every day.

We’re thankful for that.

We’re still trying to make a baby.

Medicated cycles aren’t helping.

We need IVF.

We can’t afford IVF.

We could afford IVF if we do it internationally.

We’re seriously looking into that.

So that’s it.

We’re still hurting,

but we’re also moving forward with life.

We’re healing.