I have wonderful bloggy friends!
Thank you for the words of encouragement,
the offers to fund raise,
and the general support.
Thank you for holding my hand.
Thank you for listening.
I appreciate you ladies so much.
I’m still feeling the same way,
but you ladies have put a lot on mind.
I appreciate that none of you are letting me off that easy.
I will take your advice into consideration,
and keep you posted on what we decide to do.
In the meantime,
I am truly humbled by you all!
So I’ve been quiet again.
Not really talking about infertility.
Not talking about how I really feel about infertility.
Not talking about much of anything.
The truth is,
we’re wasting our time doing anything other than IVF.
The truth is,
we can’t afford IVF.
The truth is,
we can afford IVF internationally & could possibly make it happen next year.
The truth is,
I don’t really want to do international IVF.
The truth is,
I think we’re done.
I think we’re done.
It hurts to type that,
but it’s time to be honest.
It hurts to admit it,
but it’s time to be honest.
54 months is a long time.
We should have two children by now.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of hoping,
wishing,
and praying.
I’m tired of jumping at imaginary pregnancy symptoms.
I’m tired of getting my hopes up when my period is late.
I’m tired.
Shug is tired.
We’re tired.
Unless God blesses us with a true miracle,
we probably will not be parents.
Ummm…… yeah,
it’s time to be honest.
We ate here on Friday night.
We were going to go dancing at a jazz club in Dallas,
but we decided to go home and honeymoon instead.
We had a great night.
The service was outstanding,
and the food was delicious!
We didn’t do much over the weekend.
We watched college football on Saturday,
and then professional football yesterday.
GEAUX SAINTS!!
The Saints look really good this season
Too bad we live in Cowboys country!
I don’t want to laugh at their misfortune,
but they are a team we love to hate!
Not much else is going on in our lives right now.
And,
it’s Monday!
Where’s my period?
I took my last progesterone pill on August 29th.
I usually start two days after my last pill.
I’m a little crampy,
it feels like I’m going to start,
but I’ve felt like this for a few days.
No PMDD this month either.
I’m too scared to test,
and I’m too scared to get my hopes up.
I’m sure my period will start today now that I’ve asked the question.
I’m not going to do anything until Friday.
That way if I start,
I won’t have to deal with the heartbreak of seeing a negative test.
Oh well,
I guess we’ll see.
I’m headed to the doctor today.
My blood pressure has been elevated lately.
I’m not surprised with everything that has been going on.
High blood pressure runs in my family.
My daddy has it.
My oldest brother has it.
My other brother has heart disease.
I’ve had borderline high blood pressure for about seven years.
So when I noticed it creeping up,
and staying up
panic set in.
I’m also 30 lbs heavier than I was last year at this time.
I know that is a factor also.
Isn’t high blood pressure associated with PCOS?
Yes it is. But it can be managed with weight control, low sodium diet & exercise.
How does all of this factor into us trying to conceive?
HUGE FACTOR! She can’t prescribe hbp medication while I’m trying to conceive. Well that’s not entirely true. There are two medications that she could prescribe. I had a bad reaction to one and she refuses to prescribe the other because the side effects are horrible.
What if I get pregnant?
In her words, “That would be wonderful”! But I’m setting myself up for a hard pregnancy if I don’t get myself together right now.
Can pregnant women take blood pressure medication?
Since my hbp is still borderline, she wants me to lose the 30 lbs that I have gained and an additional 20 lbs. Eat a low sodium and low cholesterol diet. And get my fat lazy ass back in the gym at least five times a week.
Oh well, I guess I’ll find out what my PCP has to say about all of this.
She’s not happy with the blood pressure or the weight gain. As long as I’m trying to conceive her hands are tied. It’s up to me to handle my blood pressure. I have a follow up appt in 12 weeks. She said there has to be significant changes in my weight & blood pressure at that appointment. Otherwise, we will need to speak about how healthy it is to continue trying to conceive.
That was all the motivation that I needed, time to get serious again and get back into fighting shape.
It’s not fun to be in the tww without any hope.
Thank God Cletus is around.
He’s a snuggler.
That’s my legs that he’s made his pillow.
He makes me smile
🙂
ALL THE TIME!
The Tchoupitoulas
We had to put The Tchoupitoulas to sleep yesterday.
I have never felt so much pain in my life.
He was my boy,
my baby,
I can’t believe he’s gone.
He was 16 months old,
and so full of life.
It felt so wrong to put him down,
but we had to.
My boy is gone,
gone forever.
I’m going to be silent for a while.
I’ll comment,
but I just don’t have much to say these days.
The past four years have been so painful.
Shug and I have been through it.
We’re good people.
We love each other,
we would make great parents.
But it seems that we have fallen out of God’s Favor.
I’ll be back,
but right now
I just can’t.
Fish Bait 