It’s time to be honest…

Posted: September 25, 2009 in infertility
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

123So I’ve been quiet again.

Not really talking about infertility.

Not talking about how I really feel about infertility.

Not talking about much of anything.

The truth is,

we’re wasting our time doing anything other than IVF.

The truth is,

we can’t afford IVF.

The truth is,

we can afford IVF internationally & could possibly make it happen next year.

The truth is,

I don’t really want to do international IVF.

The truth is,

I think we’re done.

I think we’re done.

It hurts to type that,

but it’s time to be honest.

It hurts to admit it,

but it’s time to be honest.

54 months is a long time.

We should have two children by now.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of hoping,


and praying.

I’m tired of jumping at imaginary pregnancy symptoms.

I’m tired of getting my hopes up when my period is late.

I’m tired.

Shug is tired.

We’re tired.

Unless God blesses us with a true miracle,

we probably will not be parents.

Ummm…… yeah,

it’s time to be honest.

  1. february5 says:

    Ya know we all have these moments when we give up hope and look at things in the “real” light. You know your situation better than I do…however as a fellow fertility sister I feel the need to give you that encouragement to keep the little filcker of flame burning, I do know the feeling well and I know it comes to a point when you say enough is enough. I am a glass half full …all the time …type of person. I look at all avenues, corners, streets, blvds, under rocks and behind doors before I throw in the towel (so to speak) 🙂 . I know it’s easier said then done but I want all of us to win this battle.


    We can start a fund for the:

    Baby Fish Foundation or the Help a Fish Get in the Bowl Foundation,

    this way we can raise money to be a mommy :). Lemonade stand, cookie stand, tee shirts…every penny counts. So get those creative wheels turning.

    All I am saying is don’t give up…not yet!!! There is always hope.
    Pookiesan & ME

  2. rosesdaughter says:

    I agree with GG.
    There is always hope.
    But I also understand when enough is enough, when you feel like you’ve hit that wall where no which way you look at it, you are done. I hate it when people say it to me, but it’s true:Everything happens for a reason, and to everything there is a season. If you and Shug are meant to be parents, you WILL be. That’s all there is to it.
    In the meantime, I’ll still be here, leanding you a supportive shoulder whenever you need it.
    (BIG HUG) my friend.

  3. Rae says:

    I have been there. Oh, have I been there. It hurts so much to feel that way. Never, EVER give up, but don’t underestimate the power of focusing on something else. It may not be the same for everyone, but have you ever noticed how sometimes when you really want something and look for it, you don’t find it? That has happened to me many times in my life, but the moment I put my focus on something else, I ended up with the something that I had been wanting all along. Does that make sense?
    I’ll give you a few examples. I had been through bad relationship after bad relationship looking for love. I stopped looking, started focusing on enjoying where I was at that time in my life, and boom! Tim showed up one day and pretty much never left. LOL. He is the love of my life.
    Same thing with getting pregnant. We stopped trying. Started focusing on loving each other and doing all the things we couldn’t do readily if we were parents. I also focused on getting myself healthy and became almost obsessed with that. Hadn’t had a period unassisted in years. One day my period showed up on its own, and 18 days later I got a bfp without even trying.
    It can happen. It will happen. I know it hurts, but it’s not over. I know it seems like it won’t happen, but if it happened for us it can happen for you.
    If you really need IVF there are loans you can get. I know you don’t want to go there, no one does, but I just thought I’d throw that out there in case you felt like that was an option. My RE told us many people do it.

  4. february5 says:


    We all have those moments of “it will never ever happen”, I just believe in turning every stone before saying it’s over. And I was serious about the fund raising, I helped my friend here in GA with raising enough money for half of her IVF meds, we baked, made bead jewelry and key chains. Now I know IVF itself cost way more but a little is better than nothing. You never know until you ask, the worst thing a person can say is NO.

    And if you must just go internationally to get it done …the trip will do you some good 🙂 and you will come back pregnant…

    But don’t give up, maybe take a much needed break get back to being you without fertility issues for a few months and then just back in the game.
    Pookiesan & ME

  5. birdless says:

    I understand the frustration and hopelessness. I also feel that IVF is my only option, and something that I can’t afford either so not really an option. The other bloggers gave some great advice, and it helped me too. I wish I had some advice, but all I can give you is that I can understand some of what you are going through, although each person’s experience is different. The feelings inside are not all that different.

  6. Phoebe says:

    It is true that IVF is expensive and scary. Only you can know what is right for you. If there is a will, there is a way. You can get creative about how to fund your IVF cycle. Or maybe you will build your family another way? It’s all so personal.

    I read recently from a woman who used donor sperm to get pregnant that it was worth all the hell her husband and she went through. Other women who have adopted have said the same thing. If this is what you really want, don’t give up. If you are in hell, keep going. It will change eventually.

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