It’s one thing to say you’re 40,
but BEING in your 40’s is totally different!
At least it is,
in my mind.
I was just trying to keep my head above water.
This year,
Shug is healthy,
we’re happy,
and all is as well as it could be.
I’m blessed to be able to see 41.
It’s just a number……
Not much.
Freaking the fuck out about turning 41 on Sunday, November 15th.
Took my braids out last weekend, rocking a natural fro.
Shug hates it.
Too bad, I’m rocking the natural hair for at least a month.
I miss The Tchoupitoulas so much.
I take out his box of toys out every now and then and smell his collar.
His scent is almost gone.
I cried on Saturday because The Breeder’s Cup was on.
MyBaby Chop loved horse racing.
I’m looking forward to December 26th.
The entire family (MyMama, MyDaddy, Bigger Brother & his family, Big Brother & his daughter, me & Shug) is going on a cruise to celebrate Mom & Dad’s 45th Anniversary.
The kidney transplant will be in January, after we return from Mexico.
In the meantime, MyDaddy is having his gallbladder removed on Tuesday.
It’s only functioning at 15% and he’s in a lot of pain.
Shug’s Grandmother was placed in hospice last month.
We took a quick trip home to visit with her.
Yesterday the hospice nurse released her from hospice.
A home health care agency is going to care for her.
We’re convinced Grandma is going to outlive all of us.
Shug & I plan on travelling a lot next year.
We’ve also decided not take anymore fertility meds.
As I said before, it’s a waste of time and money.
I don’t know where that leaves my blog.
I’ll probably continue to blog, but more about our life.
Whatever I blog about, hopefully it will be more often.
I’ve been in a funk and haven’t felt like blogging.
Have I mentioned that I’m FREAKING THE FUCK OUT about turning 41?!
ummm……….yeah……….so that’s what’s really happening.
This is all I’ve got for now,
I’ll post an update soon.
I have wonderful bloggy friends!
Thank you for the words of encouragement,
the offers to fund raise,
and the general support.
Thank you for holding my hand.
Thank you for listening.
I appreciate you ladies so much.
I’m still feeling the same way,
but you ladies have put a lot on mind.
I appreciate that none of you are letting me off that easy.
I will take your advice into consideration,
and keep you posted on what we decide to do.
In the meantime,
I am truly humbled by you all!
So I’ve been quiet again.
Not really talking about infertility.
Not talking about how I really feel about infertility.
Not talking about much of anything.
The truth is,
we’re wasting our time doing anything other than IVF.
The truth is,
we can’t afford IVF.
The truth is,
we can afford IVF internationally & could possibly make it happen next year.
The truth is,
I don’t really want to do international IVF.
The truth is,
I think we’re done.
I think we’re done.
It hurts to type that,
but it’s time to be honest.
It hurts to admit it,
but it’s time to be honest.
54 months is a long time.
We should have two children by now.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of hoping,
wishing,
and praying.
I’m tired of jumping at imaginary pregnancy symptoms.
I’m tired of getting my hopes up when my period is late.
I’m tired.
Shug is tired.
We’re tired.
Unless God blesses us with a true miracle,
we probably will not be parents.
Ummm…… yeah,
it’s time to be honest.
We ate here on Friday night.
We were going to go dancing at a jazz club in Dallas,
but we decided to go home and honeymoon instead.
We had a great night.
The service was outstanding,
and the food was delicious!
We didn’t do much over the weekend.
We watched college football on Saturday,
and then professional football yesterday.
GEAUX SAINTS!!
The Saints look really good this season
Too bad we live in Cowboys country!
I don’t want to laugh at their misfortune,
but they are a team we love to hate!
Not much else is going on in our lives right now.
And,
it’s Monday!
Lovely roses greeted me when I got home from work yesterday.
Shug is so sweet.
We had dinner at my parent’s house.
Tonight we have a date.
I don’t know where we’re going,
but we have dinner reservations at 7PM.
I think we’re going to go to a jazz club after that,
but I’m not sure because Shug has the night planned
and it’s all a secret.
My Shug,
I love him!
We took a break on the fertility meds this month.
That 32 day cycle proved that I didn’t ovulate when I supposed to.
I’m not certain if I’m going to take them again.
I have three refills left,
so we’ll see.
Enough infertility talk!
I’m having a lovely day,
and I’m looking forward to having a lovely evening
with Shug.
Sharing the cake topper on our first anniversary.
Four years ago today we got married.
Three weeks after Hurricane Katrina.
Three weeks after we lost everything.
It was a small,
but perfect ceremony.
Just family and close friends.
We exchanged white gold wedding bands that we purchased from a Zales outlet for $500.
A year later Shug got me a beautiful wedding set.
As much as I love my rings;
I only wear them on weekends
or on special occasions.
I wear my simple band everyday.
It was purchased with all that we had,
and it’s more precious than anything that I own.
I love him with all that I have.
And he loves me as well.
He’s my heart.
I wish that I could give him what I know he wants.
Prayerfully,
hopefully,
miraculously.
I love you Shug!
Thank you for making me your wife.
MyMama is donating a kidney to MyDaddy!!!
She starts her work up on Tuesday,
and the transplant will take place in about two weeks!
We’re so excited.
MyDaddy had renal cancer in his left kidney,
it was removed in December 1999.
He’s been on dialysis since his right kidney failed in May 2005.
In March 2007,
he started home dialysis.
My mother dialyzes him six days a week.
He’s been on the transplant list for three years.
They celebrated their 45th anniversary on August 22nd.
And now,
he’s getting MyMama’s kidney!
TODAY IS A GOOD DAY!!!
My period started this morning.
I was hoping it wouldn’t,
but I knew it would.
I don’t know how I feel.
I’m not devastated,
but I am tired.
I’m tired of hoping,
wishing
and praying.
I’m tired of waiting.
Why not us?
WHY NOT US?
